i think there were warning signs for me not to go out driving yesterday. everything from finding out my favorite store was closed to it’s going to be a great day pin button. i must have been real naïve to actually believe everything was finally beginning to be ok in my life, or at least i was beginning to feel better about it. i just can’t stand how i felt yesterday. it was almost as if i wanted to be seriously injured and be done with everything. and sometimes i couldn’t help but laugh hysterically over how inappropriate life can be. it’s almost absurd how it can change in an instant. like a punch right to the face saying “surprise life sucks here’s more things to hate lol.” i don’t know. i feel like i’m stuck with either feeling terrible or extremely entertained with life. and sometimes i just feel numb. i remember reading the book of ruth by jane hamilton and there was a certain passage, the last paragraph actually, where the narrator talks about having gumption and being able to move forward. That really stuck with me all of yesterday and today. I just got to keep moving on since i’m not dead yet. My brother told me how nothing in life is certain except for a grave. and seeing as how i’m not dead yet i guess there really isn’t anything left to do but keep going forward.